Sports Parenting - The 3 Magic Questions

The Car Journey Home

You’ve been at the game. You’ve watched your child perform out on the course or the sports field. Unless your child has a trophy in hand or has scored a hat-trick of goals, chances are they may not respond how you’d like to certain questions.

The Wrong First Question?

"How did you play?"

This question seems innocent. It’s polite. It shows interest. But — in many cases — it opens the door to a negative spiral. We live in a world where it’s easy to focus on what went wrong instead of what went well.

A Better Approach

Try leading with something more positive:

• "Hey, I want you to tell me what you did well today."

• "Tell me about that pass you made to X that set up a goal."

• "What about that bunker shot you hit on 17 — tell me about it."

• "What did you enjoy?"

These types of questions shift your child’s focus. They invite reflection on successes, not shortcomings.

🧠 Kids are most likely to remember the first and last questions you ask. Framing matters.

When Things Didn’t Go So Well…

Sometimes, the performance wasn’t great. Maybe they’re quiet, frustrated, or clearly disappointed. Don’t ignore it — but don’t dig into the problem, either.

Instead, shift to the solution.

Problem-focused questions shrink self-image.
Solution-focused questions grow it.

Example:

Let’s say your child’s school report comes home. Last exam: 80% in maths. This time: 50%.

You might feel like saying:

“Are you not studying? Playing too much sport? Too many video games? What’s going on?”

But here’s a more helpful approach:

“What do we need to do to get these marks back up again?”

Even better:

“What do you think we can do to improve this?”

Teach Ownership Through Questions

Your goal isn’t to solve the problem for them — it’s to guide them into solving it themselves.

A key question to end with:

“What are you going to do about it?”

That one question encourages responsibility, reflection, and growth. 

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Final Thoughts

I’m no master at this. Let me be honest — changing how I ask questions hasn’t come easily. I was raised with problem-focused conversations. That sort of wiring is hard to undo.

But the good news? We can change.

It’s just a habit. One worth building. 

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